Unfinished by perhaps finished

Three weeks into the working year and I was feeling utterly drained. I had four days leave to take or I would lose it, so I spent some time painting. This piece is nearly finished and I can't wait to start the next. I feel like I am getting the hang of acrylics now and I'm just loving the versatility of the medium.

I was going to paint around the daisies as the red is from my initial sketch, but I've decided that I really like the unfinished feel and the colour contrast.
This weekend, I'm going to play with collage, which for some reason scares me - I think it's the lack of control.
but hey - what have I got to lose!!

A Focus on Flowers

I have a passion, it's been with me since I was a little girl, popping seed pods open on my grandmothers verandah. Flowers have fascinated me since I can remember, and I have tried to captures their delicate beauty with intricate lines, their broad colour, with bold brushstrokes, but never considered my efforts of much value.
A fine arts education at university, where a flower drawing would have been received with much derision and make the me the butt of many jokes meant that for many years, I stopped looking and drawing them altogether. More "academic", "edgy" and "worthy" subjects filled my sketchbooks - drawings of busts, figures and architecture.
For far too long, I bought into the idea that flower drawing was for 70-year-old spinsters and bored housewives. Flower drawings and paintings were only done by "real artists" rarely I thought and I left them behind completely. I was 19, impressionable and as far as my artistic sensibilities went, a blank canvas that I carelessly let anyone make their mark on.
The very first art book I ever received from my beloved dad was a book on the rose painting of Edwardian artists. Through the years, I have bought various books on flowers and have squirreled away a huge number of images found online - yet still not lifting a pen or pencil to try to capture the beauty I saw. The intellectual snobbery of my university days had left deep scars and flowers were to be looked at and nothing more.
A year ago, while browsing a bookshop I came across the art of Robert Kushner, an incredible American artist who paints flowers on old Japanese screens. The looseness of his strokes, the bold colours, the rich golds and bronzes completely captivated me. I recall sitting down on the floor and spending an hour going through the book.
He awoke in me my old love of capturing the curve of a petal with a flowing line, the challenge of evoking a voluptuous head of pollen about to blow away in the wind, the flow of leaves. A light that had been snuffed out, was lit that day on the floor of that bookshop.
Kushner's art led me to research Japanese floral art, botanical drawing, to look at the flower paintings of the great artists and I discovered that nearly all the artists I admired had been captivated at one point or another by the need to capture the beauty of a humble bunch of flowers. I never realised I needed it, but at nearly 40, I found myself receiving permission to explore my passion for plants from the likes of Van Gogh, Klimt, Picasso, Manet, Warhol and so many more I can't possibly name them.
For the last year, I have been "doodling" - drawing when I can, looking at the work of other artists and slowly gaining my confidence, but never really taking it further than filling sketchbook after sketchbook with my drawings.

Journal: 10 January 1013

Last night I made a decision, I am going for it, I am going to commit to my passion for flowers and make that art I have always dreamed of.
With a full-time really hectic job in publishing and two beautiful children, my time is limited, but my imagination and determination is not. I am filled with inspiration, excitement and energy for the year ahead. It is going to be a beautiful year, filled with all the flowers in the world.

I have those ducks in my sights

So, it's the final month of the year. Time to take stock, figure out what went right, what went wrong and why. It's been a tough year for a number of reasons and I'm really proud of what I've achieved this year. There was a time, not so long ago when I would get to the end of the year and my achievements would only have been that I helped others achieve THEIR goals.
Life is different now and I know my strengths and what I'm capable of and I know it's even more than I've already done. I have so many dreams of making my life a creative one, fulfilling and bright, but if there's one thing I've learned this year it's that ironicallly, in order to be wonderfully and wildly creative, I need a little order in my life.
I have three weeks of holiday coming up and in between luxuriating in the pool, on the couch and in my bed, I will be organising my studio, kitchen, bathrooms and head!
I'm really excited to have all my ducks in a row, even if they are funky, mismatched ducks, from different sets, they're mine and next year, with ducks in tow, I'm going to have a blast!!

Going to bed awake

I wake up tired every day because I really shouldn't be awake during the day at all. At least this is the conclusion I have come to recently.
There is nothing I love more than an evening when it's cool and quiet. All the doors and windows are open and a gentle breeze floats from room to room. At times like this, I feel like I could stay awake forever.
I was exhausted last night after a full day of work and the stress of trying to squeeze in a trip to orthadontist for R and to dentist for M. by 9pm I was shattered. Thing is, that if I go to sleep at 9pm, I feel cheated of my creative time.
So after a shower, I set myself a half hour to draw and then I would let myself sleep. Of course half an hour turned into a whole lot longer and by the time I looked up it was nearly midnight, I was wide awake and couldn't sleep. eeeeek on a school night when I have to be up at 6am!
Anyway, at least I got to draw yesterday.

Bridging the gap

I got to thinking about bridges last night. I have always loved the lines created by steel and sky and I love the idea of crossing over to something new. I am terrified of heights, irrationally terrified, and looking down from a great height turns my stomach instantly. But maybe it's time for me to face my fears and take that step.

Collage and pencil

Bridge - Acrylic

Afternoon Sketch Therapy

Managed to grab a few minutes this afternoon to do a quick sketch.
Need to do this more often, it refreshes me like nothing else.

Afternoon therapy using iPad app ArtRage

Dreams and signs

I’ve been plagued by bad dreams recently and it doesn’t take Freud in specs to tell me it’s because I doubt myself.

It’s so irritating when you are presenting one face to the world and your subconscious taunts your efforts while you sleep!

Last night I dreamed that I had a whole lot of paintings in an exhibition and when I went to the opening, I could only find the work of all the other artists I admire. Eventually I found my paintings hung in a dark corner behind a whole stack of ladders and tarpaulins. Embarrassed, I asked a friend why my paintings were there and he laughed at me and said I really should stop painting and forget about art all together.

I woke up with a heavy weight on my heart and I couldn’t figure it out until I remembered this dream, while nursing a lukewarm cup of coffee on the patio. A dream is a dream is a dream, but it has still left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Perhaps my fear that it’s too late for me is something I need to tackle instead of putting the fear aside in a dark corner of my brain. Clearly if I don’t, it’s not going to go away.

I got into work and found a wonderful surprise waiting for me. My best friend had sent me a beautiful new sketchbook, a set of coloured pens and a wonderful book on art journaling. If I didn’t believe in signs, today would be the day I converted!

Page 1 of my wonderful new book.